The Relationship Dance Can Be With Anyone You Are Close To

The Relationship Dance - Are You Partly Responsible for Your Partner’s Behavior?

Your partner is so prickly with you! She is so ready to hear “control” in anything you ask her to do. Whatever you ask her to do, she does the opposite. Your partner reminds you of nothing so much as a rebellious adolescent.

How disagreeable of her! I sympathize. Have you ever considered, though, that she way she is with you might be partly because of how you are with her?

Let’s ask your partner about you. She says that you are overbearing, controlling, sometimes even threatening. She says that you act just like her father.

The rebellious adolescent and the parent: Whenever you see a couple stuck in interlocking roles like these, you can be virtually certain that, even though they may not know it, they are “dancing together” each influencing the behavior of the other.

How can you end the dance? You must stop blaming your partner for the way s/he is behaving long enough to self-focus and ask yourself the magic questions that can break the spell: “How is my behavior influencing his/hers? What is my part in this?”

When you see how your behavior influences your partner’s behavior, you can change yours. You can step away from the dance. Without your participation, the dance must end.

Making the Journey of Commitment
Dr. David Sanborn